Meaning and Purpose

This year it seems that I'm constantly being reminded about the meaning and purpose of life so I wanted to share some quotes that I've gathered from my book and online reads. Please note that these are all from a Catholic perspective.

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"So it may be said that the chief purpose of life for any one of us, is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all the means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks." ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

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"My purpose is to become closely united to God through love, and my destiny is to praise and glorify God's mercy." ~ St. Faustina (729)

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Alicja Lenczewska: "Why am I still living?"
Jesus: "To learn to love Me and people even more."

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According to Arthur Brooks, "to find the meaning of your life is to seek coherence, purpose, and significance." He gave the following questions for guidance:

1. Why do things happen the way that they do in my life? (Coherence)
2. Why am I doing what I'm doing? Why am I moving in this direction? (Purpose)
3. Why does my life matter? (Significance)

Now imagine a Catholic answering those questions:

1. Why do things happen the way that they do in my life? Because this is what God wills.
2. Why am I moving in this direction? To get to Heaven.
3. Why does my life matter? Because the Lord loves me. I matter to God.

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"God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work." ~ St. John Henry Newman

Snapshot of 2025, Hopes for 2026

How time flies! It's almost the end of January. I started the year a bit weak, but the Lord is merciful, I feel much better now.

The last year has not been good to me: my anxiety came back, and then I was diagnosed with endometriosis --- a bad combination for health anxiety. I was sick almost every month with either the flu or digestive issues.

I also got into talk therapy, which helped me somewhat to not lose my way to healing. But then I sometimes felt invalidated when my health issues were dismissed as just anxiety.

For my endometriosis, I was given medicine called dienogest, a synthetic progesterone, which helped ease menstrual pain. However, last December, I was bleeding almost every day. It was not heavy, but I got worried because I was prone to low hemoglobin.

So came early January, I went back to my gyn, but she only gave me more meds to stop the bleeding. I asked if I could stop dienogest, and she told me to just finish the remaining pack, which was not for another two weeks. I sought the advice of another gyn, same thing. The meds for bleeding worked for only two days, then it came back. After four more days of bleeding, I decided to stop dienogest and not finish the pack.

A day after stopping, I had like a regular period. By this time I was already pale, so aside from iron supplements, I made sweet potato tops juice, ate more iron rich food. Thankfully within five days the bleeding stopped.

I don't know how long it would take for my body "normalize". The doctors warned me the menstrual pain would come back and the cyst might grow. Yet I have been dealing with dysmenorrhea for more than 30 years now. I'm already in my 40s. I would rather choose a few more years of pain than taking medicine with all its side effects (mental health included).

I've read some success stories of lifestyle changes lessening pain and other symptoms. That's what I'm trying out right now. Maybe it will help, if not, then at least I tried.

Last year I was frozen, stalled, fearful. So I hope for a joyful, more active 2026. I always pray for guidance in this life full of uncertainties. It's a daily struggle, but as long as I'm making even the smallest progress everyday, then all is well. God bless us all!

On health and peace of heart

I have never been comfortable being vulnerable, nor am I particularly good at expressing my feelings, but I wanted to talk about this at least once on this blog.

I’m one of those who developed anxiety during the pandemic. Although I have always been a nervous kid, I never imagined it could get worse. I’ve learned that I have become too comfortable with my way of life --- working from home, being surrounded by family, and having the comforts of life. I discovered I was weak, and that my faith needed some work.

2021 was brutal, at least for my nerves. We were flooded in April, and because of the damages, the family decided to elevate and renovate the house. I first noticed recurring palpitations and irregular heartbeat in June and had it checked.

In the following months, our living arrangement was, well, chaotic. It was not carefully planned before the construction commenced. And then it happened, I got covid in the last quarter of 2021, along with my sister. We were not allowed to stay in the house we were currently living in, but my sister was whisked off to a hotel managed by her employer while I had to go to a government facility. Our elderly parents were left to take care of the construction.

I really thought I would be fine because I was used to being on my own, but that was not the case. After a week inside the hotel room, I started having difficulty sleeping. I brought with me a blood pressure monitor and every day my bp and heart rate increased. Eventually, I started taking bp medicines. Because no doctor or nurse was allowed to see me, I asked to be transferred to a different facility, where nurses could monitor me and patients were allowed to go out of their rooms.

While inside the isolation facility, I also developed numbness throughout my body especially on the head, shoulders, and back, which made it even harder to sleep. It was only after I got out that I was able to get medicines to help relieve the symptoms...

Fast forward to today, I am still on my healing journey. While the world is back to normal, I lag behind trying to remember how it felt like before, trying to regain my health physically, mentally, and emotionally. But I have hope. I understand that events, people, and things that may make me nervous or scared will always be there. It is my inner disposition, how I react to these triggers, that is important.

Picture Jesus sleeping on the boat in the midst of a storm—an image of interior peace that can only be acquired through absolute confidence in God's providence. That kind of interior peace is my prayer, not just for me, but for all. It may take us a lifetime to get there, but, no worries. :)

“It is not the exterior circumstances that must change; it is above all our hearts that must change. They must be purified of their withdrawal into themselves, of their sadness, of their lack of hope: Happy are the pure in heart; they shall see God (Matthew 5:8). Happy are those whose hearts are purified by faith and hope, who bring to their lives a view animated by the certitude that, beyond appearances to the contrary, God is present, providing for their essential needs and that they lack nothing.” ~ Father Jacques Philippe (Searching for and Maintaining Peace)

Help me pray for all people struggling with anxiety. May God grant us the grace to look forward with hope and wonder!

♡ Julienne

Flying Beings

The other night I had this dream. It was long, one of those adventure types, and the last thing I could remember was that I was in this large building with a very high ceiling. Someone was with me, a classmate from high school, but she was just there. I couldn't recall anything that she did. So it was at the end of that long dream that the scene in the large building happened.

People or 'beings' gradually came into view. I don't know much about dream sequences, but sometimes transitions just don't happen. And this was one of those times. These beings appeared, and they were flying, like a flock of birds, only they looked vaguely human. Usually when events like this happen in my dreams, I get scared and try to walk away. But this time, while the feeling of fear was still there, there was a feeling of wonder as well. So I took out my phone instead and recorded them on video. They flew from end to end, then dived right above my head. I also caught them on camera hanging around my companion, although curiously these beings on the ground can't be seen by the naked eye.

That was the dream, or at least the end of it before I woke up. It was something that I would have forgotten if not for the Bible reading that day, that's why I am writing this here.

July 9, 2016 Saturday
First Reading: Isaiah 6:1-8

In the year King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a high and lofty throne, with the train of his garment filling the temple. Seraphim were stationed above; each of them had six wings: with two they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they hovered.

One cried out to the other: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts! All the earth is filled with his glory!” At the sound of that cry, the frame of the door shook and the house was filled with smoke.

Then I said, “Woe is me, I am doomed! For I am a man of unclean lips, living among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” Then one of the seraphim flew to me, holding an ember which he had taken with tongs from the altar.

He touched my mouth with it. “See,” he said, “now that this has touched your lips, your wickedness is removed, your sin purged.”

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?” “Here I am,” I said; “send me!”

The text below is from the Meditation that accompanied the readings:

Anyone who encounters the Lord is both attracted to Him and yet afraid. We are drawn to Him, for our hearts sense that this is what we are made for, that this mysterious, beautiful, merciful, personal Presence is what we long for -- and yet we also know instinctively that we are not like Him, and we are unworthy to be in His Presence. (The Anawim Way, Liturgical Meditations)

Gears of my childhood

This is for Learning Creative Learning's second week activity. We were asked to read Seymour Papert’s essay on the “Gears of My Childhood” and write about an object from our childhood that interested and influenced us.

Honestly, I couldn't think of one specific item like Papert's gears. What I do remember was that I played with what was available. Because my mother's a civil engineer, I had drawing materials and made child-version house plans and transparent-walled houses. Because my father built things, unfinished cabinets were transformed into ships. Unused blocks of wood worked as keyboards. I just had to draw letters and other keys on them. I liked the feeling of pushing combinations of buttons like what they do on planes and ships. 

Pretending to be a scientist, flowers (particularly gumamela and santan) and leaves were mashed, kept in a martayolet (LOL I don't know what this is in English) bottle, offered at the grotto, and used by my cousin as wound medicine. :)

I watched a lot of movies then. The television, while a problem for some parents, was for me a source of inspiration. I recall several instances when I stayed up late with or without lights, with or without companion, just to watch a movie. That must have been the reason, because I never had books then, why I made up stories. My childhood playmates and I would sometimes act the stories out. Sometimes I write down the corniest things, with illustrations.

Then there was the radio. I would always turn the volume up so I could sing along. I didn't want anyone else to hear me. When my uncle gave me a little keyboard, having no formal music education didn't stop me from writing songs. I could always pretend. These things might imply that I can act and write, but I assure you I'm not very good at both. The nearest thing to acting that I can do, and in private, is mimicking.

Overall, I had varied activities as a child, most of them concerning the arts, just like what I'm doing now although in still rather undeveloped qualities. What I can't understand though is why I can be good with Mathematics. I wasn't aware of it until I won some academic contest at about 5 years old and have been interested with it eversince. Maybe it has to do with growing up having a sari-sari store? Maybe because of what I play with, I developed a sense of structure, shape, navigation? Or maybe I just had pretty good logic skills as what an early story my father always relates suggests? But how do children develop logic?

Gary Cherone: Words & Music

I love it when rock stars go against the status quo.

Cherone

Eddie Vedder, lead singer of Pearl Jam and a personal favorite of mine because of his solo work, is a vocal pro-choice activist. He had this to say about abortion:

"I feel like I know every angle of this issue," said Eddie Vedder. "I know the adoption angle; I know what it's like to be fifteen and be in a situation and have to make a decision. Terminating pregnancy is not an easy thing." —Eddie Vedder, Rolling Stone 11/12/98 #799

I'm a fan of his music, and I think he's a good guy, but I cannot support his view on this issue. And since I'm not very good with words, it is a great relief that another man of the rock world took a different stand. Gary Cherone, lead singer of the band Extreme of More Than Words fame, wrote two open letters to Vedder. This one below is a reply to Vedder's quote above:

What About the 98.6 Degree Angle?

Another Letter to Eddie Vedder

by Gary Cherone
 
The vast majority of people who support abortion
take that position with the firm conviction
that life does not begin at conception
That being said...

If one personally felt "terminating pregnancy is not an easy thing"
but was the right of the individual to make that "decision"

Is the life within the mother's womb a human person?

If the answer is no, it is not a human person
Why would one feel it "is not an easy thing" to do?

If the answer is yes, it is a human person
Why would one advocate "terminating" it?

If the answer is I don't know, if it is, or isn't a human person
How many more "decision(s)"
would one make in an uncertain "situation"?

If the unborn is not a human person
No justification for abortion is necessary
However...
If the unborn is a human person
No justification for abortion is adequate.

Nearly all arguments for abortion
are based on the faulty premise
that the unborn are not fully human.

Respectfully,
Gary Cherone
(1/22/2001)

 ***

The first open letter also in full below. I really like the way it's written, its rhythm and words.

An Open Letter to Eddie Vedder

When is a woman not a woman?

Therein lies the only clear refutation of a woman’s rights.
A woman’s rights —
seems a mere tautology, a redundant catch phrase.
Are not rights self evident?
Intrinsic assumptions of the inalienable?
So, when is a woman not a woman,
a right not a right?

When she doesn’t exist.

When does a woman become a woman?

Is it when
her first ballot has been cast?
Or when
she graduates from her class?

Is it when
she makes a wish on her sweet sixteenth?
Would I be amiss if it were her first kiss?

Is it when
she’s diagnosed by the boy next door?
Or as ambiguous as the cutting of the cord?

Is it the time
it takes to travel the distance through the canal?
Or when
she’s kicking and becomes viable?

Is it when
her sex is discovered by a sonogram?
Or after eight weeks when
the changes in her body will be mainly in dimension?

Is it when
her brain waves are detected after 40 days?
Or is it around three weeks when
her primitive heart beats?

Can there be only one true line of demarcation?
One finite measurable point in time that differentiates
life from non-life?
Womanhood from non-womanhood?
Rights from no right?

Is it the moment of conception —
that point when all of the above is set in motion?
That precise moment when
"a separate human individual, with her own genetic code,
needing only food, water, and oxygen, comes into existence"?

Indeed,
It is at that point,
"like the infant, the child, the adolescent,
that the conceptus is a being who is becoming,
not a becoming striving toward being.

She is not a potential life,
she is a life with great potential".
She is not the mother,
she is an other —
a somebody other than the mother.

A woman,
however beautiful, however complex when fully grown,
begins life as a single cell, a zygote —
that stage in human development through which we all pass.
She fulfills "the four criteria necessary to all life —
metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction.
Her genetic makeup is established at conception,
determining to a great extent
her own individual, physical characteristics":
her eyes, her hair, her skin color, bone structure, her gender.

So let us not be confused,
"she did not come from a zygote — she once was a zygote.
She did not come from an embryo, she once was an embryo.
She did not come from a fetus, she once was a fetus".
She did not come from a little girl — she once was a little girl.

When is a woman not a woman?
The answer is absolute, non-negotiable.
To argue against would be to ignore the innate,
the fact of the matter.
The answer can never be a matter of opinion or choice.
This is not a metaphysical contention.
This is biology 101.
The answer is scientifically self-evident —
as inherent as the inalienable.

Therefore,
the ability to pursue happiness
is contingent upon liberty —
her liberty,
and her freedom is solely dependent upon
the mother of all human rights...

the right of life.

Respectfully,
Gary Cherone
(June 1999)

***

All of this is a result of listening to Extreme's music for a whole week!

Credits to Libertarians for Life and Rock for Life.

2012

"Today is the beginning of the end."

LOL I got that from a status update of a friend.

New year's day is a perfect time to talk about beginnings. It's the time most people make resolutions, to do or not to do certain things, which most also tend to forget a month after. I used to make new year's resolutions, then it became middle-of-the-year resolutions, until I stopped altogether. I believe every day is a beginning, or a chance to begin, to have a fresh start. But I don't want to start all the time. What I'm trying to say is, if one's following my line of thought, that I'm a slacker. If I had a vice, it would be sleep. That's what I want to change badly. God help me.

This year I pray for new beginnings for my friend and his family who lost their house in the recent Magallanes fire; also for all those victims of all floods in Mindanao, from Iligan and to Cagayan, Bukidnon and Carmen, Davao del Norte. May all the lost souls find peace, and the ones left recover quickly.

Happy New Year!

A Curious Morning

The sun was finally out today. But the moment I rode the tricycle, it drizzled. The trike was open, with only a canvas for a roof. Every now and then, a quick rush of wind would blow tiny droplets of water on my face. I had to cover. It was the kind of rain that would not last long because the sun stayed.

Then we turned a corner. In an instant, the driver exclaimed, "Rainbow!", like a child would say it. I looked up. And there it was, the finest I have seen. If I had clearer eyesight, it would be better still. I can't remember the last time I have seen one. I guess when I stopped playing in the rain, I forgot about them, too.

Upon reaching the highway, I had a good view of the rainbow. Not only that, I noticed it had a twin. There was another one above it, although the middle portion was a bit transparent. Curious indeed. I wished I had my camera with me. Unfortunately, my time with the ephemeral beauty was short-lived. I still had to go to work... back to the real world.

What I heard on my way to work

"Makabasa na man ka, nganong nag-eskwela pa man ka, Doy?" (Why do you still go to school when you already know how to read?)

~ a tricycle driver to a student

What about them?

This is just an afterthought I had of the Kadayawan festival. My experiences recently at the festival and the museum gave me new insights about the people who lived here long before the colonists came. It immersed me into our very own culture the same time I was seeking more from those in foreign lands, specifically the American Indians. And I thought what a great way to be learning about different cultures. But that's not what I'm supposed to be writing about.

I was thinking about our neighbors who are just there, waiting to be noticed, these outcasts of our society. They are the Badjao. What about them? Are there any festivals that include them in the celebration? I understand why they were not included in the Kadayawan. Although their roots are uncertain, here in the Philippines, they most probably came from Sulu (the west end of Mindanao). They are a Muslim group, but a Muslim classmate told me the Badjao had different beliefs from the other tribes, in some ways. A lot of people cringe at the sight of them (like they carry a contagious disease or something). Outcasts: that's what I think our society has made them.

I remember back in grade school, we had a field trip to one of the Badjao communities in Davao City. It was like a center or a reservation beside the sea. When we got there, they gave us performances which were very interesting. I'm not a very good dancer, but I know a difficult dance when I see one. And the Badjao ethnic dance was difficult (for me anyway). They had all these artworks and crafts made of seashells. (Remember that they are people of the sea.) Then they treated us with a beach volleyball game, their boys versus our grade six (Holy Child) boys. They were just the same size, but we lost pretty bad. I could see there was potential in them. If they could only get more support... But then, most of them probably don't want it anyway, especially in the form of education. I don't know why...

On Dying

Yesterday I watched P.S. I Love You.
I knew Gerry dies at the beginning of the movie.
When I turn on the TV, I see stories of people whose lives were taken by Frank.
My sister was admitted to the hospital two days ago.
Yesterday I visited her and I saw, well... it was everywhere...
I watched Untamed Heart again.
I knew the man with the baboon heart dies at the end of the movie.
His name was Adam.
My sister finally went back home.
She told me things about her neighbor at the hospital.
I remember her, she's beautiful.
My sister said she has tumor, two of them.
She's twenty-something, I think.
Her husband passed away. Her legs could not move.
Her two-year old child has asthma.
Several doctors visit her and all she could ask was, "Am I dying?"

Now what was I complaining about?

Patriarchy vs. Matriarchy

I was brought up and am still living in a Patriarchal society. Men rule in my family, in my church, in my government (though the President is a woman). I've heard about societies in which the women are the ones who dominate (historically speaking) just like the indigenous people in my country. Basically, Matriarchy is the complete opposite of Patriarchy until I stumbled upon Russell Mean's Comments on Patriarchy vis-à-vis Matriarchy.

I never thought the American Indians practiced matriarchy. I guess now that's mostly the case in native peoples everywhere in the world. Means says Patriarchy is a society based on fear. It's a distorted form of society and to prove this he stated that in history, Patriarchal societies around the world made the same mistakes over and over.

Now Matriarchy, he says, is complex, though I understood clearly what he wanted to say. It is an ancient form, but complex. After I read this, I immediately talked to my father who was just right somewhere near me. He, too, understood... and agreed. A matriarchal society is one that is nurturing, as a mother. It is balanced, respectful of others and every living creature. I can say a society is matriarchal if its approach to everything is matriarchal. It is not that women rule. It is not that.

Now what about us Christians? Just think that Jesus was gentle and kind. He loved and listened to His mother.

Then I talked to my brother and he says a woman was the cause of sin. Well did that really happen?

"When a man fears the forest, he will want to control the forest, and what he can’t control, he will want to destroy." - Luther Standing Bear

Did you notice that native people live in small communities where they share everything? If man, in nature, is good, then a society, in nature, is matriarchal. That's just what I think. It's an untainted communist society.

Remember your childhood

Remember what you loved then. It’s where your purest dreams and wishes are, even if you don’t acknowledge them… anymore.

Whenever I try to ask myself what I’m supposed to do here, what I’m really meant to do, I always end up remembering what it was like when I was little. I really loved drawing, making up stories, singing and watching movies. I also liked Math, especially at the time when I was already in school.

Then I started looking for jobs, looking for a way to earn money. I didn’t like it when I couldn’t do those things anymore. But I found a way. My mother, my classmates, even my mother’s co-workers always told me to look for a regular job. It’s more promising, they say, in the long run. But I don’t want to always think of security or stability as money. In the end, what matters to me is what and whom I love.

Condemned for doing nothing

We have an African priest and I've heard him thrice now. It's a different experience listening to him, and when I do, I have to wear my glasses so I could see him clearly. It helps me understand what he says better given his accent and all.

He's a teacher and a good one, too. You don't usually take notes when listening to a sermon in a Catholic Church, but this priest makes me grab my pen and paper. I tell you, he gives loads of information in his speech that I gasp every now and then. Add to it his singing, yes, and during his sermon! He uses song lyrics as examples and sings them out. That's authentic African singing live for free!

He is Father Pascal.

The other Sunday, the Gospel reading was Luke 16:19-31. It was about a rich man named Lazarus and a poor man. Lazarus, who was sent to hell, didn't understand why he was there. He believed he didn't do anything wrong. Father Pascal said he was condemned for doing nothing. That was it: he didn't do anything. He could have done something to help the poor man who was right under his nose, yet he didn't. Instead it was the poor man who ended up in heaven.

Lazarus was neither cold nor hot (See Revelations 3:16); Neither an unbeliever who remains cold to a faith nor a believer who takes God's love seriously. He was one of those who seek only comfort and stability in this material world.

I remember in the Penitential Rite, in the earlier part of a mass, we recite this confession: "I confess to Almighty God... that I have sinned through my own fault... in what I have done (that is, my sins), and in what I have failed to do (this is the sin of omission)..."

I am writing this to remind myself that I could always do something.

Resolutions

Who says you need to wait for New Year to make resolutions? The time is now.

"Now! Return to your noble life now. Don't let yourself be fooled. 'Now' is not too soon... nor too late."

"Tomorrow! Sometimes it is prudence, many times it is the adverb of the defeated."

These are the words of Blessed Josemari­a Escriva from his book "The Way". He talks about resolutions like it is very much related with time. And I've realized that it is... that's why resolutions are so hard to fulfill just as time is very difficult to manage especially with people as lazy as me.

But the good news.
Yes there's hope for us slackers. "Make FEW resolutions. Make SPECIFIC resolutions. And fulfill them with the help of God." Again, FEW and SPECIFIC. That wouldn't be too hard, would it?

What did he mean by specific? Blessed Josemari­a gave an example. If I say "I want to be a saint," that would be a "broad and vague assertion." The goal has to be clear and simple, like "to attend Mass every Sunday" instead.

Now if you have your list, add this up:

"To recall, when you receive honors and praise, everything that brings you shame and embarrassment. The shame and embarrassment are yours; the praise and the glory are God's."

I'm a Dreamer

(written May 16, 2005 10:30 PM)

I'm a dreamer. I dream of things past, and things that might. I dream when I'm asleep, more so when I'm awake...Funny how one such movie about fantasies and not growing up can make me write again. But I have yet to find a good leather-bound book...

Two months is 2 long, especially for someone like me. Just this morning I asked my dad why I don't hear him sing often. I wondered how anyone could spend a day without singing. I couldn't. I was made for the arts.

But then I was also made for science. I seem to enjoy thinking. I guess it's becoming a hobby because migraine has been attacking the right half of my head lately. I have a love-hate relationship with questions. Have you ever felt uneasy when you can't find answers to your questions? Yet whenever you finally found your answers, they'll always lead you to some more, so you end up feeling uneasy all your life. My mom would know when I've been thinking too much once I get suddenly quiet and something flies out of my room. Do not, however, think that I'm getting mad, or something (that's only for writers). I don't push myself to something I can't do. I rest. I stop. Where my science ends, my religion begins.

I was made for religion. It's a wonder how some religious questions are answered by science and science by religion. Some people may be amazed by what joy they could get from harmonizing these two. I know someone who thinks I'm a happy person. I'd like to think I am.

Sadly, at this stage, no part of art, science nor religion goes in and out of me. I don't want this to go on any longer. I want my time back, so I could have dreams again...longer dreams. I think, no, I feel the need for intervention.

julienne

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P.S. Finding Neverland was very good, except Johnny's fake British accent. I'm glad I've seen Kate Maberly again. She played Wendy. Another good movie was Kingdom of Heaven. But of course, something from the real history must be altered for Hollywood's sake. Orlando's best performance yet as a 'dramatic' actor.